Apologies about last week i had a block but don’t worry I’m back and a year older .
Anyways, one thing I hate the most is comments dissing me about my anxiety or the fact that sometimes I struggle.
P.E every internet child’s worst nightmare but it happens and I do it twice a week without fail and tbh I’m really proud of that because that used to be one of my hardest problems. To make it even worse though, we had to do it with the boys- ok so pretty bad already and worrying me loads but it’s about to get a lot worse – it’s running laps of the court and my normal p.e teacher isn’t there.
As you can imagine right now I was wetting myself worrying how I was even going to cope and feeling all the normal symptoms.
So I was 5th in the group of 9 and when it got to my turn I remember running and just thinking of when that lap would be over. When it did finish however I felt really dizzy and mix that with the fainting feeling of anxiety and worrying thoughts that wasn’t a good moment.
( I think it’s a good point to mention I was supposed to do three laps but one of my amazing friends filled in for me because she knew how much I was worrying)
Anyway after a few minutes of waiting for my next go it was my turn and I was freaking out- big time. I started running I kept going trying to overtake when I got about three- quarters round I felt like I was going to faint I was so dizzy and breathless from running so fast. I got to the end and felt awful, I couldn’t do anymore my mental state had just made it impossible so I didn’t do the last part.
Before I get onto the main part of today’s post I just want to say that a few months/weeks ago I wouldn’t of been able to do that and for that I am proud.
So one of the girls that finished her lap ,who I have never really got on with, came over and was out of breath and was breathing quite heavily so she went to see the teacher and she just said for her to stand still for a bit. Anyway, seeing that made me worried as well and she was saying how she was going to faint so that didn’t help how I was feeling.
Then it came to my turn and my friend took over anyway the heavy breathing one came up to me – this is basically how our conversation went.
Her: Oh why aren’t you doing you’re lap. Get up and do it !
Me: I can’t at the moment but I have spoken to my friend and she’s going to do it for me.
Her: You have to. Stop being lazy!
Me: I’m really not I just can’t do it at the moment
Her: Well that’s not a good enough reason I’m only not doing it because I nearly died
Me: Listen. I can’t, I have a lot of problems at the moment and I really can’t
(There was more but I can’t really remember it )
Her: (basically she went behind my back making up some things to her friends)
I know some people will say ‘oh she doesn’t know you have anxiety’ She does because for about 2 weeks we were sort of friends and she overheard me talking about it so she does know.
What I really wish is that in schools you were taught more about mental health because then it might remove more of the stigma. If there is a way that anyone knows how I can do that let me know.
Anyway, that’s all from me I may do a part two to this I don’t know. Hope this helped and remember to do all that nice stuff it really helps me!
Thanks for reading,
Win The Worry Wars